Sunday, January 11, 2009

I hate being sick!

Don't mind me I'm just whining, but dammit....
I hate being sick!

This past week I've come down with a cold. My body has been aching from head to toe and my head throbbing.

I'm not sure if this is true for everyone but when I was a kid I loved being sick. I got to stay home from school! The only part that sucked was home video games barely existed and from 1pm to 3pm there was nothing on TV except soap operas, we had no cable TV back then. No MTV, no Discovery or TLC or Comedy Central or Cartoon Network. No video tapes…DVDs and the Internet didn’t exist yet! Still, kids always have fun.

Now though I just absolutely hate being sick. It feels awful; it ruins all your plans, etc. This week I was supposed to go out dancing to a new club in Hollywood that I have been excited to go to for a long time. And, although I know there are people much worse off in this aspect there are also people much better off. My friend Francis says she can't remember the last time she was sick. My boyfriend gets sick only about once a year. Me on the other hand, I get sick almost without fail, 5 times a year or about once every 2.5 months and during those "well" 2.5 months there are usually 4 or 5 times where I get a small sore throat or a small cough indicating I caught something and I always pray it won't get worse.

I know that as a kid it used to feel so unfair that there was an attendance award at elementary school for perfect attendance. I also remember this boy Michael was one of the kids that got it every single year 5 years in a row. I felt it was unfair because it wasn't based on merit, it was based on luck. I didn't choose to get sick, I just got sick. Good Grief!!

I am sick, I feel like crap
My nose is leaking
Just want to nap
My sight is blurry
My throat just hurts
Read medicine labels
For caution alerts
Been drinking juices
And blowing my nose
My body screams aches
From head to my toes
Won't go to the doctor
Will just stay in bed
While gibberish poems
Dance in my head
Just watching TV
Screening old movies
Will old characters help
And simply behoove me
I'm seeking ideas
My head in a cloud
Quiet shy ladies
Or men who are loud
The story lines blur
As I fall fast asleep
Thoughts are all jumbled
Some goofy some deep
I wake up and ponder
What time is it now
Juice and more vitamins
Give false hope somehow
I hate being sick
My mind doesn't work
I wish I was healthy
My normal self quirk.
Thanks for reading.

Thursday, December 25, 2008

What is wrong with love...

My feelings are filled with confusion.I love her and I hate her. How is that possible? Should it be this way? Is it always this way? We have so much in common. We have nothing in common. What is wrong with love? I am at the mercy of forgiveness. Mine and her's.

Friday, December 19, 2008

After the rain.

The weather here lately has been less than great. It seems to match my mood for the last week or so. It's been a lot of overcast skies, rain and chilly days and nights. I don't know if the weather has had an affect on my mood, or it's just been mere coincidence. I had been questioning a lot of decisions I've made, been dissatisfied with a lot of things, and basically just dealing with a lot of stressful situations. I guess we've all been feeling this way lately, look at our country. Everyone's been down in the dumps lately. Our economy is in the pits, people are stressed over finances, work, just life in general. After dealing with gloomy days, I got a bit of a break. I woke up this morning to a break from the storm. I walked outside to blue skies, the sun was shining and looking out on the horizon the view was breathtaking.
I took this as a sign that things were going to get better. I decided to go to the one place where I always feel like I belong. I spent the day at my parent's house. It's true that there's no place like home. I spent hours just visiting, talking about everything, past, present and future. I love being able to relate to my parents on different levels, I can talk to them about things that I never used to be able to. Now that I'm an adult they don't just treat me as their little girl, but as an equal.I left their house that day feeling refreshed and happy. Sometimes you need to take a step back and relax. I let go of all the stress I felt and just let myself be me, free of all the worries, of all the drama, and stopped stressing over the things I cannot change. After every storm, the sun reemerges, like a new day and a second chance.
Thanks for reading.

Wednesday, December 17, 2008

No goodbyes…

To someone very special to me:

Saying goodbye is never an easy thing but I never said that I’d stay forever..
“There are no good-byes, where ever we are, you’ll always be in my heart”
Goodbyes are the beginnings…one of these days. I will hear your voice again… “You and I will meet again, When we’re least expecting it, One day in some far off place, I will recognize your face, I won’t say goodbye, For you and No goodbyes…

I miss you.


I sometimes feel like time is just passing me by. I can't believe that it's already December! This year has flown by; so much has happened this past year- in my life and the world around me. It's amazing how much a person can change in a year, how just months can change a person's life. I was talking to my friends this weekend about where we’ve been in our lives. I’ve had some interesting times in my life, especially as a teenager. I was so lost then, though I didn't realize it. My life was falling apart before my eyes, I was involved in a lot of stupid things with all the wrong people. It's funny how I thought I was happy then. It was a false sense of joy, living in the moment and not worrying about the consequences. I guess sometimes we have to fall in order to get back up and appreciate where we are. So many of the things and people I thought I wanted don't exist for me anymore. I put my energy and desire in the wrong places, I'm just glad that I was able to realize it before I let myself fall into a life that I didn't want. I'm proud of the changes that I have made and will continue to make more changes to get to where I'm meant to be. Thanks for reading! :)

Thursday, December 11, 2008

My first Blog.

Ok so I'm doing this blogging thing. But what do I write about? It took me forever just to think of a name for my blog and all I could come up with is "Babydoll's Nuts and Bolts!", what the heck!! Hey I could of put "Babydoll's In's and Out's" but that just didn't sound right. Then I was going to put "Babydoll's Playpen", but that just sounded pornographic! Oh well, hope you all like it.

Well today I went to Chuck E Cheese for my niece's birthday party. She turned 7 years old today and am thrilled to know that she's starting to take an interest in art! I love to draw so I was very excited to hear about it from my brother Gilbert (her dad). She is growing up so fast I can't believe it.

After hanging out with my family and some friends of hers at Chuck E Cheese my mom decided that I should go to church and say a prayer to "La Virgen De Guadalupe" since I was named after her when I was born. I wasn't too excited since I am not really a church going person, but I was not opposed to it so I went. I haven't been to a church in a very, very long time so I was almost excpecting to burst into flames the second I walked through the gates....but alas I did not. I have to say it felt nice. It was a long overdue visit. I should have gone shortly after my transplant but I just kept putting off. I'll sleep well tonight.